I’ve been sick. REALLY freaking sick. I hadn’t been that sick in years. I was so sick with Strep throat that I couldn’t even swallow. A steroid course and a few days of antibiotics later and I’m first now just starting to feel like myself.
What I want to talk about though is food. How come healthy eating seems to go right out the window the minute we get the sniffles. It’s not cultural, religious, a matter of age or sex or race….we all seem to do it! We look to food for comfort the minute we start to feel under the weather. The thing is, it’s exactly what our bodies DON’T need at that point. We are run down, feeling lethargic and tired. Our bodies are aching and what we need is plenty of fluids, fruits, veggies, and to replenish our bodies with the nutrients we are losing while fighting off whatever we have. Yet as soon as I feel even a cold coming on….I want cookies, and cake, and pasta, and pizza and puppy cuddles. Ok, ok….that last one maybe just is me haha. I couldn’t even swallow and yet all I thought of was junk food!
Some of us clearly cope differently than others and resist temptation. I won’t say better, because who am I to judge. We are all adults and can make our choices, so saying “better choices” is wrong in my opinion. Maybe the phrasing is appropriate choices. Some of us clearly cope differently and make more appropriate to the situation choices than others.
I for one had this notion that as I lost weight and saw the weight come off I would never want these bad foods again…because why would I want the things that got me to where I was in the first place. Why would I want these trigger foods that I know could result in my failure to lose or even worse, gain!? (Any of you feel the same way or have that same idea of life post-weight loss?) But two years out and 135 lbs later and you know what…I crave it. I do. I WANT junk food. It scares me sometimes how much I want it. Knowing that my pants might get a little tight and I might not be moving the scale in the right direction is not always enough to talk me down off that proverbial junk food ledge. It’s something I am working on and will probably work on consistently for the rest of my life….but these foods are an addiction. I will save a whole blog about food addiction for another time, but the struggle is SO real.
I want to be someone who just doesn’t want it. Someone who says food is fuel and nothing more. Someone who eats to live and doesn’t live to eat, but it’s not me. It’s not how I was raised, it’s not how I cope with things, I tried and I’ve failed. I still turn to sweets. I still crave pizza and tacos and pasta every damn day…but thankfully I do and will continue to make better choices now. I don’t give in to all my cravings like I used to. Some days I fall off the wagon, and then I get right back up and on it instead of making it a month-long binge of doom.
So I guess what I’m saying is, it’s ok to not be a different person post extreme weight loss (not that you need my validation!). I’m saying to myself, it’s ok not to be a totally different person post extreme weight loss. It’s a matter of knowing who I am, and learning to deal with my habits, triggers and coping mechanisms in different ways. Maybe we will always be people who turn to ice cream and cookies when we get sick, but maybe we buy a single serving of ice cream instead of a gallon, or a single pack of cookies instead of 3 different boxes. Now that I’m back on the mend and feeling myself again, it’s time to stop “allowing” myself cheats. It’s time to be hold myself more accountable and this is the first step.
When I started this journey I had so many expectations and at the same time I had no idea what to expect at all. The fact that I am two years out and still figuring it out….maybe that’s ok too! Here’s to the upcoming week and making good choices!!
(My under the weather puppy snuggle pics. They’re the best company ever! Don’t mind my face…look at those puppy faces <3)