Honesty time….I’ve been struggling. I have been stagnant now with my weight loss for the last few months and to be honest I have put most of the blame on my new job and other circumstances. I am SO thankful for my new job, and it’s been amazing and one of the best learning experiences I’ve had work wise to date….but I get zero time at the gym. I miss it. Terribly. I feel like I’m a lesser version of myself now that I’m not going regularly. I’ve also had a lot of “excuses.” It’s a night out with my co-workers! It’s a night out with friends! It’s my birthday! It’s been a long day let me treat myself! …you all know how it goes. The endless cycle of reasons why it’s OK. The reasons we give ourselves and rationalizations we make.
My newest one is my sister. She left today with her husband to move to Florida. If you know one thing about me it’s that my sister is and always will be my very best friend. We have literally done everything together, forever….and the fact that that’s going to change now makes me incredibly sad. What do we do when we are sad? We eat. What do we do when we are saying goodbye? We eat. What do we do when we are celebrating? We eat. I know my sister moving down there is the best thing for them. They’re starting this new chapter of their lives and I honestly couldn’t be more excited for them. They are young and in love and wanting to build a life together in a place they feel they’ll be happiest. Warm sunshine and possibilities. I just can’t imagine a life where I only see my sister a few times a year. I know I will go down and visit them (Already have my trip booked for September thanks to my birthday gifts!) and it will be a wonderful vacation destination….but I never thought of seeing my sister as having to be a trip, or a destination. It will be an adjustment for all of us, but I am taking it hard. Trying to push all my feelings in and my natural inclination from years of bad habits is to eat. I’m going to try my best not to continue to. To think of all the good and that my sister would never want me using her as an excuse for bad habits and behaviors.
When it comes down to it, I am the only one responsible for me. I can’t blame work. I can’t blame sadness or feelings or my sister’s move. I can’t blame my birthday. I have to take care of me. I have done amazing things these past two years but coming up on my surgiversary I need to know I am still pushing and trying and giving my all to myself. I’m not sure what the answer is…maybe there is no “answer,” besides keep pushing! Get my food back on point. It all comes down to input vs output. I know the rules. I know the game. I’ve succeeded immensely and I have to remember that I know how. I will not let me stand in the way of me like I have done so many times before. Do we all have set-backs? Yup! Will I have again in the future? Probably. But for now I am determined. Determined to be the very best version of myself I can be….and that means being honest with myself and you all and getting my ass back on weight loss wagon!
Feel free to comment any suggestions or things that you’ve found helpful in times of stall or frustration or immense stress. I am nothing if not open to anything this amazing community and you awesome people have to give back to me.
Thank you for reading. By reading you’re supporting and it means the world to know you’re all in my corner and we are fighting together! ❤